Don't Mess With Texas

Texas is very wide. And from the highway, not terribly interesting. My whole day yesterday was a battle to keep Texas from putting me to sleep. Finally, around 11pm I got to Kevin's for a happy reunion. I haven't seen him in maybe over a year! Kevin and Shay became friends in college and, as he was a guest at the Bowman many a time, he has become my friend too.
Texas is very funny about their road signs, making clever little rhymes and puns like "IT IS unlAWFUL TO LITTER" and "POSSIBLE FLOODING AHEAD, IF YOU SEE WATER TURN AROUND, DON'T DROWN". Apparently locals have little experience of the effects of heavy rain and have been doing themselves unintentional harm right and left. All I got of this rain was a few sprinkles, and now my car and rooftop parcel anre safe and dry in Kev's garage. It won't be the end of the world if the roof stuff gets wet, but it would be much pleasanter if it didn't.
This morning I slept in in luxury, showered in luxury, ate my breakfast while watching tv AND reading peole magazine in luxury. Well deserved after two 14 hour days of driving!

Ketchup

Oh no! I am falling behind!
Well, I had a lovely day in Encinitas wrapping thing up. Sarah at SuperCuts actually remembered me (she's cut my hair only twice before). I put more than my toes in the ocean (my entire self) and after spending over 2 hours putting the rooftop carrier on the car, I dined on fish tacos from Jorge's.
It was only 4:00 whe I got to my projected campsite yesterday, the sun was still blistering and there was no shade in sight (but there were instructions on what to do if you meet a mountain lion; if attacked, you should fight back!). The best way to keep cool seemed to be to keep driving, so I got an enormous iced coffee and got back behind the wheel. Winds were high and determined to blow me off the road, and pink lightening stabbed at the ground in the distance, but I decided to keep going until Las Cruces. When the city came into sight, the first lodging that presented itself was a beloved KOA. I give up! I'm not going to tell people I camp at state parks anymore, because I don't, because for $6 more you get a pool and wireless internet and no mountain lions.
The sun is climbing and I am almost finished my tea, so its time to hit the road. More soon!

On the Road Again

Flying West across time zones inevitably leads to this; lying awake at 6:30 in the morning waiting for the world to wake up.
I was alarmed to find out that my flight was delayed and that I would miss my connecting flight in Houston. But I never could have dreamed it would turn out so well! I never felt airline loyalty before, but Continental not only served meals, but they found me a flight on another airline that was non-stop and got me to San Diego at 8:30 intead of 10! Rheanna picked me up in my very own car that formerly smelled of zoo animal, but under her care took on the smell of a Provencal lavender field.
It is very beautiful here. As the plane landed I could see mountains peering through mist, and the San Diego bay, and the Coronado Bridge that looked like a string of Christmas lights from so far away. Luckily it is a gray, June-gloom day and I will try not to get emotionally involved before I leave again tomorrow. Today I'll get an oil change and a car wash, maybe get them to check out the tires. I'll get a haircut from Sarah at SuperCuts, who always does exactly what I wanted. I'll say my farewell to the grocery store and stock up on road snacks. I'll go to the beach one last time and let the waves play with my feet and watch the pelicans soar and dive.
Home felt like I had never left, in good ways and in anti-climactic ways, and it feels right to be going there now. To all my Midwestern relatives that I have neglected these past few months, I am taking the southern route home, so I will miss out on your warmth and hospitality. I look forward to coming back to this place; I have made it mine this year and it joins the list of places that I consider a home, even if they are not so at the present time.

Check in

I've been home for about a week and a half and it feels almost like California never happened. I've almost forgotten to be surprised when I see folks I haven't seen in a year. Everything is exactly the same, except the mowed down the car dealership in Kimberton - what evs!
I am out at the family ranch now and breathing in deep drafts of damp woodland air and being serenaded by the birds of my childhood.
As for the B&B, I like to think of it as a child. The development of the idea is a lot like pregnancy (not that I know first hand what pregnancy is like, but I like the metaphor). I would say the stage I'm in now is like, hmmm, getting the baby a social security number (grueling but essential)? Maybe we're not that far along. Maybe its more like a sonogram, hearing the heartbeat, maybe finding out the sex, but its still not here and I haven't even begun to pick out furniture for the nursery! In plain English, I am writing a business plan and finding out how much I don't know, but still totally excited to be doing it!

The Smell of Desperate

I have writer's paralysis! I'd like to say something happy, or funny, or beautiful, or true, but all I have access to right now is a stack of desperate complaints. Its like my life is wrapped in bubble paper and packed into a cardboard box. It is beautiful and precious and exquisite and immense and I have been carrying it forever but I can't find the right place to put it down. It is getting heavy, my muscles are tight with lifting it. I've unpacked it before, taken it out and displayed it, but maybe the resting spot was on uneven ground. I am just exhausted with hauling my life around and not living it but I just don't know how to unpack it! I want somebody to tell me what to do, but I don't like anybody's suggestions. I know on some level that I have all the answers but I'm so tied in knots!

T minus 13 hours

I did it. I'm all packed up and headed for Philly in the morning. Next time I post it will be from a different time zone. I think I'm headed for a little culture shock. I have become so accustomed to utter autonomy that it may take a little getting used to to have friends and relatives all over the place. I'm a little scared. And a little sad to leave. And a little annoyed with myself for not being unequivocally blissed out. As my good friend Gwyn wisely said though, transition is hard, even when it is a transition into what you've been longing for.

Monkey Love

As I walked up to the coffee cart, I saw a familiar face and it saw me. "Hey" we exchanged, like we see each other everyday. Actually he didn't know who I was and I was pretty much star struck (even though, living in San Diego, I've had a handful of opportunities to see him upclose). I don't know who Jason Mraz is as a person either really, but I am intimate with his music. I'm not sure I can explain what the connection is without sounding really cheesey. Whether its heartbreakingly beautiful, or fun and funky, its just true. It is through Jason that I found out about the headliner of tonight's show, Bushwalla, who is every bit as wise and wonderful. They don't just make great music, when they perform they are an example of how we should live; openly, generously, in exhuberant joy.

Ode to Joy

The tremendous weight of being a Kindergarten teacher has been lifted, and not only that, but in the end, my class really did transform, and while I'm not quite sure how I did it, and decidedly sure that I don't want to try it again, I am grateful for the feeling of accomplishment that lingers.
At the year-end assembly today, the 2nd and 3rd graders read Shiller's poem (in German) on which Beethoven based choral part of his 9th symphony. I had extreme goosebumps throughout their reading and I called to mind the image from the movie Immortal Beloved where the young Beethoven, having escaped the anger of his father, is foating on his back in the water, gazing at the night sky that is reflected all around him. This child who experienced such pain never lost his capacity to express joy. I love that piece and remember singing it in German for an assembly myself as a child. I wished as I listened to the children speak, that I had a copy of that piece somewhere. Just hours later while cleaning out my classroom, I came across the music in a pile that the teacher before me had left.

Verge

It is the eve of my last day of teaching for a good long while (knock on wood - I've said this before!). When people here ask my what's next on the agenda, I feel like I'm about 5 years old and wearing oversized high heels and a tilted tiara when I say "I'm going to open a bed and breakfast". This is silly because with about a month to go until my 33rd birthday, it is totally reasonable (and some would say its about time) that I start my own business. I guess I feel financially young, with a paltry savings account and having never had more responsibility than a car loan, and this is the greatest hurtle for me. I am keen for guidance and advice, but extremely resistant to criticism or doses of hard reality (and they often come in the same package).