Not From These Parts

I went to visit the third possible garden intern program on Wednesday. The Occidental Arts and Ecology Center is in Sonoma County nestled in hills of redwood trees and has exceedingly beautiful gardens and grounds. I had a lovely time getting my fingers into the dirt, but I came to the realization that wherever I go in California, no matter how many palm trees or sunny days or exciting ideas, I always feel like a foreigner. Who knows whether this is because I'm an uptight east-coaster or because I have always in the back of my mind the vast expanse of mountains and plains between here and most of the people I love. Anyway, at OAEC visitors are encouraged to pee in the woods to take pressure off the composting toilets, evreryone was sort of floating around, barely attached to the ground under their feet, and as I went to leave, everyone I had just met a few hours ago hugged me, but not necessarily because I was special in anyway, its just what they do - seemed wierd and oddly insincere.
So I am still wondering how it is I am going to find my way to farm living. I have been reading Joel Salatin, who is so encouraging and inspiring, but I feel like there are still a couple of stepping stones between me and where he suggests starting and I have full confidence that those steps will materialize, but it does leave me wondering "what now?".
I am really longing for a rest! All this gutsy adventuring really takes its toll, as does living in someone else's house. I would like to spend some time in quiet, with some outdoor space and a kitchen I can play with. Just putting that request out into the universe!