Much Has Happened, Yet Nothing Is New
Wow, I have some serious catching up to do! All week I have been composing in my head and not managing to get anything captured.
On Monday I drove 7 1/2 hours up to Santa Cruz to look into a Natural Chef Training that is happening there. I was euphoric on whole drive up! I had good chats with Mom and Jame, good tunes on the ipod, plenty of snacks and perfect weather. But somehow, as I checked into my motel room the air went rushing out of my baloon and I had great difficulty procuring a meager dinner for myself at the New Leaf (local whole food grocery store). My motel neighbors were noisy, the bed sagged significantly to one corner and the whole place creaked and cracked as though it would fall down around me at any moment. It had a fabulous mirror though that made me look like a string bean!
In the morning I got up to go visit the school, Bauman College, which I drove past several times without seeing. It consists of a few rooms in a shopping center between mattresses and seafood. No students were on the premises at the time, just two quiet ladies in the office. One gave me a tour and a cup of tea, and the other did not say a word. My biggest question about the program is how close do Dr. Bauman's theories of eating for health come to dogma, and would there be room in such a training for a meat and dairy-loving individual like myself? The answer seemed to be not so much.
It was a gray day, and after a little driving tour of Santa Cruz, I started the arduous journey back south. I talked to Jame again just as she was setting the Shrove Tuesday pancakes on the table for dinner. I had forgotten that was what day it was and she suggested I stop for my pancakes at an all-night diner. Knowing that no pancake is worth eating to me without real maple syrup, I stopped for some at a grocery store. I imagined going to one of those old-timey coffee shops that everyone is always going to in LA in the movies, so I got off in Burbank and after a couple of curious turns I found myself at Frank's. I ordered a short stack, which I could only eat half of. The restaurant was sparsely populated by mostly elderly patrons. There was however a handsome young man eating alone at the counter. As I drove away I imagined all the ways I might have introduced myself and they were all brilliant and led to our sharing a long and happy life together. The rest of the drive was painfully long and dull. When I got home I emailed Shay; "I left my husband in a diner in Burbank".
Now that I am questioning the natural chef training as a next move, I find myself in the familliar position of desperately wondering what to do with all aspects of my life: where should I be, how will I earn a living, how do I meet people who like to do the things I like to do, will I die alone?
To take a break from all this wondering, I went on an errand marathon yesterday that included a haircut and, at long last, getting my California driver's license. As I sat in the chair at Supercuts, I became increasingly nervous as the woman muttered to herself, seeming to question her own every move. My fears were somewhat allayed when she explained that she had been cutting hair forever, but was going through re-certification and was trying to do things by the book. I could relate having temporarily lost my ability to operate a car after reading the California Driver's Handbook. My friend and fellow thick-haired person Vanessa told me that getting my hair thinned would add bounce to my curls and change my life, so I asked the woman to try it out. It is so funny how many ways we have of changing what we were born with, especially things that other people wish they had, like thick hair. Anyway, I'm enjoying the results.
Then I was off to the DMV which is half an hour away. The first time I went, to register my car, Shay was with me to lend her moral support. At that visit I was instructed to come back after having the car smog checked and at that time I could apply for my license. When I brought back the smog certificate, I had forgotten the passport necessary for the license. This time as I stood in line with my passport, I realized I had forgotten my glasses for the eye test. The receptionist told me I could take the written test today and come back for the eye test without waiting in line. So off I went through the DMV labarynth. I like to call Shay whenever I am in the DMV so she can be there in voice and spirit, and she pointed out the humor in my having driven there without the corrective lenses that I needed to pass the test to be licensed to drive.
The man who processed my application was also the eye-tester and the picture-taker. I think he was sweet on me, or maybe just relieved to see someone who wasn't 16. Although I told him I wore glasses on occasion, he kindly passed me on the vision test, trusting me to wear the glasses when I needed to. I passed the written test too and my license will arrive in the mail. My roomate Lauren needs to get her CA license too, so I showed her my corrected test to give her an idea of what it would be like. As I sat across from her at the table while she looked at it, I noticed there was a whole second side that I hadn't seen or filled out - curious! Sadly, one cannot have driver's licenses from 2 states at the same time, so they punched a hole in my brand new PA license with the great picture!
On Monday I drove 7 1/2 hours up to Santa Cruz to look into a Natural Chef Training that is happening there. I was euphoric on whole drive up! I had good chats with Mom and Jame, good tunes on the ipod, plenty of snacks and perfect weather. But somehow, as I checked into my motel room the air went rushing out of my baloon and I had great difficulty procuring a meager dinner for myself at the New Leaf (local whole food grocery store). My motel neighbors were noisy, the bed sagged significantly to one corner and the whole place creaked and cracked as though it would fall down around me at any moment. It had a fabulous mirror though that made me look like a string bean!
In the morning I got up to go visit the school, Bauman College, which I drove past several times without seeing. It consists of a few rooms in a shopping center between mattresses and seafood. No students were on the premises at the time, just two quiet ladies in the office. One gave me a tour and a cup of tea, and the other did not say a word. My biggest question about the program is how close do Dr. Bauman's theories of eating for health come to dogma, and would there be room in such a training for a meat and dairy-loving individual like myself? The answer seemed to be not so much.
It was a gray day, and after a little driving tour of Santa Cruz, I started the arduous journey back south. I talked to Jame again just as she was setting the Shrove Tuesday pancakes on the table for dinner. I had forgotten that was what day it was and she suggested I stop for my pancakes at an all-night diner. Knowing that no pancake is worth eating to me without real maple syrup, I stopped for some at a grocery store. I imagined going to one of those old-timey coffee shops that everyone is always going to in LA in the movies, so I got off in Burbank and after a couple of curious turns I found myself at Frank's. I ordered a short stack, which I could only eat half of. The restaurant was sparsely populated by mostly elderly patrons. There was however a handsome young man eating alone at the counter. As I drove away I imagined all the ways I might have introduced myself and they were all brilliant and led to our sharing a long and happy life together. The rest of the drive was painfully long and dull. When I got home I emailed Shay; "I left my husband in a diner in Burbank".
Now that I am questioning the natural chef training as a next move, I find myself in the familliar position of desperately wondering what to do with all aspects of my life: where should I be, how will I earn a living, how do I meet people who like to do the things I like to do, will I die alone?
To take a break from all this wondering, I went on an errand marathon yesterday that included a haircut and, at long last, getting my California driver's license. As I sat in the chair at Supercuts, I became increasingly nervous as the woman muttered to herself, seeming to question her own every move. My fears were somewhat allayed when she explained that she had been cutting hair forever, but was going through re-certification and was trying to do things by the book. I could relate having temporarily lost my ability to operate a car after reading the California Driver's Handbook. My friend and fellow thick-haired person Vanessa told me that getting my hair thinned would add bounce to my curls and change my life, so I asked the woman to try it out. It is so funny how many ways we have of changing what we were born with, especially things that other people wish they had, like thick hair. Anyway, I'm enjoying the results.
Then I was off to the DMV which is half an hour away. The first time I went, to register my car, Shay was with me to lend her moral support. At that visit I was instructed to come back after having the car smog checked and at that time I could apply for my license. When I brought back the smog certificate, I had forgotten the passport necessary for the license. This time as I stood in line with my passport, I realized I had forgotten my glasses for the eye test. The receptionist told me I could take the written test today and come back for the eye test without waiting in line. So off I went through the DMV labarynth. I like to call Shay whenever I am in the DMV so she can be there in voice and spirit, and she pointed out the humor in my having driven there without the corrective lenses that I needed to pass the test to be licensed to drive.
The man who processed my application was also the eye-tester and the picture-taker. I think he was sweet on me, or maybe just relieved to see someone who wasn't 16. Although I told him I wore glasses on occasion, he kindly passed me on the vision test, trusting me to wear the glasses when I needed to. I passed the written test too and my license will arrive in the mail. My roomate Lauren needs to get her CA license too, so I showed her my corrected test to give her an idea of what it would be like. As I sat across from her at the table while she looked at it, I noticed there was a whole second side that I hadn't seen or filled out - curious! Sadly, one cannot have driver's licenses from 2 states at the same time, so they punched a hole in my brand new PA license with the great picture!
posted by Eiren at 5:38 PM
1 Comments:
It sounds like we are leading parallel lives from opposite sides of the country right now. I am struggling with a lot of the very same issues of what am I doing, how am I going to make a living, where is my partner and what the hell am I supposed to be doing with my life. I don't have any of the answers, but figure that I'm supposed to be learning something about accepting uncertainty. Knowing that that's what I'm supposed to be doing and actually doing it are two entirely separate things, though.
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