Direction
Lately I have been wrenched in all directions trying to decide what will happen when school ends in June. Stay? Go home? Keep exploring? After some dedicated attention to my personal demons, I found myself in a joyful calm and I knew - it was time to go home, post haste.
I get a range of reactions to this decision. Pretty much everyone at home could understand wanting to migrate to the sun and palm trees of San Diego, but locals here wonder what suburban Pennsylvania holds that I am in such a hurry for?
I thought of a brilliant answer this evening in the kitchen, surrounded by piles of green vegetables awaiting transformation: my home is heaven and I can't help but want to be back there. Why do I keep leaving then? Here is a very simplified picture of reincarnation as I understand it; we keep coming back to earth although it is difficult and imperfect because it is the only way to grow. There is no freedom in heaven unless we are free to leave. It's the same with leaving home. I become more myself each time I leave and experience myself against the backdrop of unfamiliarity. And I am renewed when I return to the roads I learned to drive on, the smell my parents' house, the language my family has created over our years together, time spent with the friends who taught me what friendship is.
I get a range of reactions to this decision. Pretty much everyone at home could understand wanting to migrate to the sun and palm trees of San Diego, but locals here wonder what suburban Pennsylvania holds that I am in such a hurry for?
I thought of a brilliant answer this evening in the kitchen, surrounded by piles of green vegetables awaiting transformation: my home is heaven and I can't help but want to be back there. Why do I keep leaving then? Here is a very simplified picture of reincarnation as I understand it; we keep coming back to earth although it is difficult and imperfect because it is the only way to grow. There is no freedom in heaven unless we are free to leave. It's the same with leaving home. I become more myself each time I leave and experience myself against the backdrop of unfamiliarity. And I am renewed when I return to the roads I learned to drive on, the smell my parents' house, the language my family has created over our years together, time spent with the friends who taught me what friendship is.
posted by Eiren at 6:53 PM
2 Comments:
I, for one, am thrilled to hear that you are returning! The summer book club reunion dinner wouldn't have been the same without you.
this makes me happy for you. the trillium and white daffodils are splendid this year. wish you were here, and am glad you'll be coming home.
So, are you going to cash in the plane ticket and just come east once, to stay?
with love, S
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