Boys to Men
My friend Jamie used to say she'd be sad to see me in a stable relationship because my male misadventures were my best source of comic material. I don't know if she put a curse on me or what but I find that not only am I miles away from stability, I actually question whether or not it exists. I have several married friends and I realize that I don't really understand their lives! What on earth would it be like to be so sure of your mutual feelings that you decided together to never hereafter be solo acts? I have definitely been sure that I had met the most fun, fabulous, beautiful person I was ever going to meet and would have gladly given up my life as I knew it and followed them across the globe. In fact I pretty much did that! But it didn't surprise me when it ended. Ends are something I know about. Ending feels familliar.
So yesterday I ran almost ran into a friend-turned-lover-turned-bastard in the candy aisle of the grocery store and before I had to pretend not to be pissed at him, I turned tail and headed for customer service to redeem the $3.36 that I had just poured in penny, nickel and dime form into the coinstar machine (my wallet had been getting heavy). Additionally he had called last week to invite me to a party last night and I had duly ignored him and was pretty sure I didn't want to go. My instinctual reaction in the grocery store confirmed that I didn't want to be there. What did he do that was so awful? Well nothing really! He just chose some other girl over me. But I've had a standing crush on him since junior high and the reality that that's all it will ever be has recently come to light. What's so fantastic about him? Well, he's beautiful and funny and a talented artist and he's known me forever so I don't have to explain myself to him, which is a task I loathe and never feel I do adequately. On the reality end of things we really have no common interests besides eachothers bodies, and those are goin' down hill pretty quick, so its not hard to see how little of a future we have. But it's never easy to be told that somebody enjoys sleeping with you, wants to be sure you're around for them until they are 90, but would rather struggle through life with someone else as their 2nd in command. So I'm gonna be pissed for a while and someday I'm sure we'll laugh about it together...maybe when we're 90.
But who can be glum when a different guy, who has clearly stated that he respects me too much to be in a romantic relationship with me, but deeply values a long and therapeutic monthly phone call, has vaguely suggested that he might call some Sunday and want to have lunch while he's in the neighborhood! Today is Sunday! Not to mention that the ex-lover for whom I still carry a sizable torch will be coming through town next weekend with his true love, the choral music of the Republic of Georgia! Put on a little lip gloss and go gather some material!
Seriously, Jamie! Lift the curse already!
So yesterday I ran almost ran into a friend-turned-lover-turned-bastard in the candy aisle of the grocery store and before I had to pretend not to be pissed at him, I turned tail and headed for customer service to redeem the $3.36 that I had just poured in penny, nickel and dime form into the coinstar machine (my wallet had been getting heavy). Additionally he had called last week to invite me to a party last night and I had duly ignored him and was pretty sure I didn't want to go. My instinctual reaction in the grocery store confirmed that I didn't want to be there. What did he do that was so awful? Well nothing really! He just chose some other girl over me. But I've had a standing crush on him since junior high and the reality that that's all it will ever be has recently come to light. What's so fantastic about him? Well, he's beautiful and funny and a talented artist and he's known me forever so I don't have to explain myself to him, which is a task I loathe and never feel I do adequately. On the reality end of things we really have no common interests besides eachothers bodies, and those are goin' down hill pretty quick, so its not hard to see how little of a future we have. But it's never easy to be told that somebody enjoys sleeping with you, wants to be sure you're around for them until they are 90, but would rather struggle through life with someone else as their 2nd in command. So I'm gonna be pissed for a while and someday I'm sure we'll laugh about it together...maybe when we're 90.
But who can be glum when a different guy, who has clearly stated that he respects me too much to be in a romantic relationship with me, but deeply values a long and therapeutic monthly phone call, has vaguely suggested that he might call some Sunday and want to have lunch while he's in the neighborhood! Today is Sunday! Not to mention that the ex-lover for whom I still carry a sizable torch will be coming through town next weekend with his true love, the choral music of the Republic of Georgia! Put on a little lip gloss and go gather some material!
Seriously, Jamie! Lift the curse already!
posted by Eiren at 8:35 AM
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